


The Un-Polyjuice Spray

by Anna_Hopkins



Series: Discord Prompt Fills [7]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 6: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Crack, Fluff, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Humor, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-06-03 01:15:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19453357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anna_Hopkins/pseuds/Anna_Hopkins
Summary: With the war looming, Fred and George try to cheer everyone up with a care package of their latest invention: Un-Polyjuice Spray. Spray it on someone and they turn into the person they last kissed, for an hour.Someone sprays it on Harry.





	The Un-Polyjuice Spray

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DarkkBluee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkkBluee/gifts), [SparkySheep](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparkySheep/gifts), [Arualiaa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arualiaa/gifts), [skittykitty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/skittykitty/gifts), [FermionCat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FermionCat/gifts), [Limonium](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Limonium/gifts).



Dear Ron, Ginny & Harry,

While developing a new Skiving Snackbox item,  
we've had a Miraculous Accident (TM) and dis-  
covered this Wondrous Artifact of New Construction!  
Which is to say, we began production immediately  
and sent samples to all our favorite people --  
so all of you can go have a WANC!

You might be wondering just what this item is:  
we have not decided on its actual name yet  
(WANC being a general notation for new Wheezes)  
but its effects are similar to Polyjuice. Taking the  
form of a spray, this "Un-Polyjuice" causes the target  
to take the shape of whomever they've last kissed!

(Dear Ginevra, please let us know the effects  
after kissing two people at once! Much obliged.)

Happy Wheezing!  
Fred & George

Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny looked down at the box of what appeared to be six Muggle spray bottles, labeled with glittery gold writing as WANC SPRAY on one side. Gift tags on each gave direction as to the intended recipients: one each for Harry, Ron, Ginny, Hermione, Neville, and Luna ("she'll know just what to do"). On the opposite side of each bottle was a much more concise set of directions for using (and countering) the Spray -- one spritz per hour, and kissing someone  _ during _ the hour did not change the effect until they were sprayed again. Spray duration, it appeared, did not stack.

"This is gold," Ron chortled, taking aim at Hermione, who held up her bottle of WANC Spray in a defensive stance -- "No, Ronald, we are  _ not _ switching bodies!" (Which cleared a few things up for Harry right away.)

They turned their nozzles on their Housemates less than ten minutes later, of course, which turned the Saturday afternoon into a total WANCfest. Harry made ample use of the Shield Charm to avoid getting sprayed -- he would rather  _ not _ , thanks -- but that only goaded them on. "Come on, Harry," Ron-as-Hermione laughed, "who've you been kissing? Ginny?"

" _ Everyone's _ been kissing Ginny," shouted a girl across the room that might or might not have been hit by the Spray already. Ginny, currently Dean Thomas (to no one's surprise) was flushing as bright a red as her current complexion allowed, grinning sheepishly.

"I don't want to share!" Harry shouted, eyes wild -- losing focus on his Shield Charm just long enough to get sprayed by Neville, who had come up behind him.

"Oh, dear," Harry exclaimed, turning and running into the dorms before anyone could see just who he was turning into.

"Oh, bugger," Ron-as-Hermione groaned, "he's going to lock the door to the dorms again. Hey -- he didn't even use his spray!"

"He was so afraid of being WANCed that he didn't WANC anyone else," Hermione-as-Ron observed, then broke down into the giggles that everyone had been fighting so valiantly to resist this entire time. Once one person started laughing, nobody could hold back; so it was more than twenty minutes later that anyone had recovered their breath enough to go check on Harry, who still hadn't come down (and might not even after his WANC finished).

It was Ginny-as-Dean, Dean-as-Seamus, Seamus-as-Lavender, Hermione-as-Ron, Ron-as-Hermione, and Neville-as-Luna ("I knew it!" shouted Ron-as-Hermione) who ended up going up to investigate and coax Harry out of his metaphorical tree. Hermione-as-Ron (henceforth 'Ron') needed three tries to unlock the door, which meant Harry had  _ really _ locked it. Out of respect for that, she knocked loudly before opening the door just enough to call, "Harry, are you all right? It's just a prank, mate." (She was getting into character, you see.)

The voice that called back to them was  _ definitely _ a boy's, which surprised no one except Ginny ('Dean') who had still held out some hope. "I'm not especially fine, no," said Harry-as-???, "and I would prefer to be left alone until this wears off, thank you."

"He must be really mad," murmured 'Hermione' to the group.

'Ron' opened the door more anyways. "Harry, it doesn't matter who you've been kissing, we won't hold it against you!"

"That isn't why," Harry-as-??? insisted from behind the bedcurtains. "It's  _ private _ , so bugger off!"

'Ron' strode across the room anyways and took hold of the curtain of Harry's four-poster, then promptly let go of it as if stung. "OW! Merlin's saggy ti -- I mean,  _ Harry _ , at least tell us what's wrong?"

"I'll handle this," decided 'Dean', putting on a glove. "Is he a Muggle, Harry? A Slytherin? A  _ Hufflepuff _ ?"

"I'm not answering any questions on the matter, thank you," said Harry primly. "And if you open these curtains you're getting hexed, no exceptions."

"He wouldn't really hex us," muttered 'Seamus' and 'Lavender' incredulously. 'Luna' stared from the doorway, reluctant to intrude, which was perfectly in-character for both Neville and Luna, really. 'Ron' and 'Hermione' clearly believed their friend, though, which was why it was 'Dean' and not them who took one for the team and yanked the curtain open.

And promptly let out a terrified shriek which had nothing to do with being hexed.

The indignant stranger sitting on the bed was rosy-cheeked with embarrassment, and promptly hexed the lot of them with the Full Body-Bind in a series of quick casts that were impressive even for Harry. "Damn it, I told you not to open the curtain," Harry-as-??? spat, combing back his sleek black hair in a stylish side-part. (If they could be, 'Dean' and 'Lavender' would be blushing, staring at the wizard -- he was really quite the catch.  _ Nice job, Harry _ , they thought in unison.

"And for your information," Harry-as-??? continued, standing up and Transfiguring his robes longer to fit his temporary body, "It was a  _ very _ long time ago, I have not seen him since, and I do not intend to say anything else about him." He glared at 'Dean' in particular, who was beginning to change back to Ginny -- it had been quite a while, evidently.

Unfortunately, the Body-Bind broke when the Un-Polyjuice did, and so Ginny shrieked again, this time with words. "YOU BASTARD!" she yelled loud enough to make Harry-as-??? wince and send a ward at the door, "Get AWAY from Harry! Don't -- don't -- " and then, to everyone's surprise, she began to cry, hysterical.

Harry glanced around the room and silenced her before anyone could tell him not to. "Okay, I guess I might have to explain this to Ginny later. The rest of you still aren't getting any answers --"

"LIKE HELL WE AREN'T," Ron shouted from where his potion had worn off. "You just made my sister CRY, Harry, I want to know why!"

Harry tsked at them, which was a very un-Harry thing to do (they would have to ask Fred and George about it later) and sat back down on his bed, crossing his legs and looking for all the world like a king on a throne. "Fine. Ron, Ginny, Hermione because it's inevitable, and no one else."

Which was the precise moment Dumbledore burst into the room with Snape and McGonagall at his side. "Please remain calm, everyone," the headmaster called into the room, "We received reports of screaming and unregistered potions in the Gryffindor Common Room --"

Then /Dumbledore/ stopped, going pale. "Tom," he gasped. "How --?"

"I'M HARRY," Harry-as-Tom? shouted before anyone could get the wrong idea. "IT'S A POLYJUICE POTION EFFECT, SIR."

The Headmaster leaned heavily against the wall, still in shock. Beside him, Snape was feeling his pulse and frowning, concerned. "He's risking a stroke," the dour Potions Master muttered loud enough for everyone to hear.

"That's it," snapped Hermione, getting up from the floor now that her potion had also worn off. "Everyone quiet! I want an explanation from Harry on just who this 'Tom' is, and no one is leaving or entering until we get it!"

"Probably for the best," Harry muttered, "since Slughorn would have a heart attack and die on the spot."

It wasn't his best-timed observation, but it  _ was _ just in time for Snape to shout through the doorway, "HORACE, WE HAVE THIS UNDER CONTROL, THANK YOU."

"Mr. Potter, kindly explain the situation to us," Snape drawled, "before Horace Slughorn's curiosity gets the best of him."

In a surprisingly competent move, 'Tom' did so without backtalk. He told them of Fred and George's gift potion spray, of which Snape held the sample Harry had left behind downstairs, and how it worked. "It's really quite straightforward from there, sir," he finished smoothly. "In less than ten minutes, if I've kept track of it right, the spray will wear off and I'll be me again."

"Which begs the question," said Professor McGonagall, ever the stoic, "of just when you managed to find and kiss this 'Tom' as whom you currently appear. Have you been sneaking out of Hogwarts again, Mr. Potter?"

"No, ma'am," said 'Tom' immediately. His expression was terribly earnest; Hermione wondered if it were genuine, or if Harry were just attempting to charm her. "I wouldn't disrespect you like that after the fiasco of last year." Okay, he was definitely trying to be charming. "I...kissed Tom over the summer."

" _ Over the summer _ ," Ginny mouthed, looking faint. (Only Ron could see her lips move.)

"Harry, my boy," said Dumbledore weakly, "I believe we may need to speak privately about this in my office..."

They all turned their heads to the door at the sound of heavy footsteps up the stairs, and Slughorn's cheerful voice nattering on about 'this mysterious potion everyone seems to have tried today!'. Snape promptly closed and locked the door in his face, excusing himself for the 'rudeness', before Harry's prediction could come to pass.

"...So," Dean spoke up, attempting to break the ice now that he was himself again, "how did you and Tom meet, Harry?"

Several people in the room went very pale.

"Well, I guess I can talk about that part at least," Harry supposed, glancing nervously about the room. Even nervous, he was more poised than he was normally. "Tom and I, er, don't exactly get along. I don't remember when we first met, but we're really not very friendly. I think he kissed me just to mess with me, you know?" He fussed with a strand of hair that fell out of his combed coif. "He, erm, came to visit over the summer just to prove that he could, I guess. And then he left." A very obvious blush was betraying him, as he spoke, but no one called him out on it.

In the background, Dumbledore muttered something that sounded like 'dear Merlin, the blood wards', and Snape patted his arm consolingly.

"So, you don't like him like that?" Hermione wondered, and 'Tom's' blush brightened even worse against his snow-white cheeks. (Hermione, at least, was mentally comparing Tom to a fairy-tale prince, despite herself. He was  _ very _ attractive, after all.)

"I don't like him at  _ all _ ," 'Tom' insisted.

From the other side of the door, they heard Slughorn exclaim, "Oh, hello there, Harry! How odd, I thought they said you were in there already..."

'Tom' went  _ very pale _ , and grabbed his satchel and wand very tightly in his hand just as the door opened to reveal -- Harry, or 'Harry', in neatly-pressed robes of Slytherin green and silver. "Harry," the new person called, cheerfully, "did you get that WANC Spray they're pre-releasing at Wheezes? It's -- oh. Oh dear."

"Oh dear, indeed," said 'Tom' weakly. "Darling, we need to get out of here before Dumbledore recovers from the shock."

"SO YOU DO LIKE HIM," Ron bellowed, at the same time as 'Tom' and 'Harry' both dashed toward the open window and leapt out without brooms under them.

Ron and Hermione were the first to the window to see the two wizards  _ rise _ , rather than, fall -- "Bloody hell," the two of them exclaimed, "they're  _ flying _ ."

Dumbledore, in the corner, really  _ had _ fainted now. Snape's alarmed expression was matched only by McGonagall's as she realized, rather later than the rest of them, just  _ who _ this 'Tom' was.

"Severus," she whispered, "we may need to call the Aurors."

The Potions Master pulled himself together after his moment of disbelief and shook his head. "I daresay it is too late, Minerva.

"The Dark Lord has just kidnapped Harry Potter."


End file.
